Learning to Ask for Help Makes You An Empress

by Amanda Abella  - July 5, 2023

Society has a way of shaping our perceptions and behavior, often without us realizing. This is particularly true when it comes to asking for help. There’s a subtle stigma, a sense of failure associated with seeking support when things get rough. As if, somehow, needing help equates to a lack of self-sufficiency or independence. This dynamic kept us stuck for far too long, and we’re here to share some stories that might resonate with you and, hopefully, prompt a shift in your perspective.

The Fear Factor

Have you ever noticed a knot in your stomach when considering whether to ask for help? That unease, that fear of vulnerability is common, and it’s something we’ve grappled with, too. Sharing personal stories isn’t always easy, but it’s often the most effective way to connect and provide insight.

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One of us faced a significant personal crisis, one that shook the core of her identity. The other grappled with a professional debacle that made him question his competence. In both cases, we found ourselves reticent to seek help, clinging to the belief that we should be able to handle our problems independently. We were scared of being judged, of seeming weak, and, in a strange way, we felt that struggling alone was the only path to growth.

But why do we feel this way? It goes back to societal conditioning. We are taught to value independence and self-reliance, which is fine until it prevents us from seeking the support we need.

The Shift

The journey towards transformation is never easy, and ours was no different. A mind shift, especially when it comes to fundamental values like self-sufficiency, is challenging and uncomfortable. But sometimes, life presents situations so overwhelming that we have no choice but to let go of ingrained beliefs and open up to a new way of thinking.

The breakthrough came in the form of realizations that were simple yet profound. First, we learned that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but of strength. It takes courage to admit you’re struggling and to let others see your vulnerability. Second, we realized that support from others does not diminish our independence. Instead, it provides a platform for growth and resilience, enhancing our ability to navigate life’s challenges.

The “Independent Woman” Narrative

The narrative of the “independent woman” especially bears some responsibility for this mindset. The idea of an invincible woman who can juggle all aspects of life seamlessly is pervasive. One of us was caught in this narrative, struggling to maintain the facade of an “independent woman” and believing that asking for help would undermine her independence.

However, the truth is, this narrative can be harmful. Independence doesn’t mean doing everything alone. It means having the ability to make decisions for oneself, and sometimes, the wisest decision is to ask for help.


Learning to ask for help is a journey of self-discovery and growth. It’s about challenging societal norms and outdated narratives. It’s about understanding that it’s okay to feel vulnerable and scared. And most importantly, it’s about realizing that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a testament to your strength.

If you’re stuck in this cycle, remember, transformation is hard, but it’s also rewarding. It’s okay to reach out, to share your stories, and to lean on others. After all, we are all in this together, learning, growing, and navigating life’s challenges.




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